I have seen a link to an Adam Grant article in the NYT circulating around Facebook in the last few weeks. The article is about “languishing”; a new term which is another product of COVID-19.
First let me say how much I love Adam Grant! I have listened to him on countless podcasts, and I love how he rethinks assumptions in real time. His latest book is called Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know.
In Think Again, he encourages us to approach discussions like a scientist who is eager to learn something new, rather than like a preacher who is trying to convert those with opposing viewpoints or a prosecutor who is trying to condemn those who hold different opinions. Being a scientist means really listening to the other person and trying to understand what they are saying so we can see how it stacks up to what we believed when the discussion began.
I have listened to him several times on Armchair Expert and I love that you can really see this happen. Dax or Monica will say something, and he will pause and say, “I never thought of it like that” and the listener can hear how the discussion opens up from there. He really practices what he preaches, and I love that!
When I read his article on “languishing”, it really spoke to me. He calls it the “…neglected middle child of mental health. It’s the void between depression and flourishing…”
I have a battery-powered toothbrush; just an inexpensive Spinbrush. I was using it and noticing that it was working slower and slower. It was still working but there was a huge difference when I changed the batteries. This seemed like the perfect analogy for the way I have been feeling lately.
Languishing affects our motivation and ability to focus, which means that we can be less productive in a society that still values productivity above all else. I feel like my Spinbrush before the battery change; I’m getting things done but it’s getting harder to motivate myself and I always feel a little down. When I read the article, I took comfort in the fact that I am not alone.
I know that sounds a little like “misery loves company”, but I don’t think it’s that so much as, it’s nice to know that our feelings are “normal”. For me, that was the main advantage of parenting classes. I learned that other parents felt frustration and that other people’s children sometimes behaved like little monsters too; it was important to know that the view from the outside of everyone else’s “perfect” home was just as false as their view of my “perfect” home. (See my post called Ducks? In a Row? for more on this topic.)
It helps that there’s a word for the way I’m feeling; I think that alone makes it easier to accept. The article suggests that the way out is to find our “flow”. Grant suggests that we need to carve out a little bit (emphasis on the fact that it only has to be a little bit) of time to focus on something that “matters to you – an interesting project, a worthwhile goal, a meaningful conversation.”
I know that can be easier said than done but it can truly feel rejuvenating. Yesterday I had the opportunity to have an outdoor park visit with some really amazing people! We watched the cutest twins ever play on swings and slides and climbers, then walked downtown with them for a delicious cookie at Camp Muskoka. We saw waterfalls and animals in window displays; it was so refreshing to see the world through the eyes of toddlers for an afternoon.
We all agreed that it was refreshing just to be around them and their wonderful parents. I admit that today I have felt like I am languishing again but even on a dark gloomy day, the world looks just a little bit brighter after our visit in the park yesterday!
