Today would have been my mom’s 79th birthday, instead it is another one of those firsts that we have to get through since she passed away.  

Her death came as a shock to all of us.  My brother called me on a Sunday morning to say that she had called an ambulance during the night and was in the hospital.  We knew that she had been feeling unwell for a couple of months, but were totally unprepared for the surgeon to tell us later that evening that when they opened her stomach they found that she was full of cancer and that if she survived the sepsis she was currently experiencing, then she would have a cancer battle ahead of her.  She stuck around for a couple of days in the Intensive Care Unit, was getting stronger and making jokes with us, and seemed to be heading for a regular hospital room when she suddenly took a turn for the worse and passed away 4 days later.

Mother’s Day 2017

I was so blessed to have her as a mom and my children were so blessed to have her as a gramma.  She was strong and smart and positive and funny; a perfect role model for all of us who shared her life.  The next step in my “dance” is now to learn to be a caregiver for my dad, who is in the early stage of dementia and is very sad about facing life without “his Rosemary”; they would have celebrated their 58thwedding anniversary earlier this month.  

I have also felt her not-so-gentle push towards this blogging thing; it’s something I have thought about for years, but I have definitely felt her saying “now is the time”!

The Most Influential Woman in my Life

She was the most influential woman in my life.  She was such a bright light to anyone who knew her and I started to reflect on all the lessons she taught me through the years.  Here are some of the highlights.

  • Family is so important; no matter where you go or what you do, you will always have a safe haven to come home to.
  • No matter how full your life feels, there’s always room for one more.  My parents had 3 children (2, 4 and 6 years old) and decided to adopt a newborn with Cystic Fibrosis; they were right, there was lots of room for the joy she brought to our lives.
  • Always treat other people with respect; she lived this one daily.  I remember being in high school and I wanted to attend a protest that was being planned.  I got up in the morning and there was a note from my mom saying that the decision was mine, but she wanted to share with me the reasons why she hoped I would not participate.  I was so impressed with being treated as an adult that I took the time to read her objections and agreed with her.
  • I remember when I was in high school, my mom bought me a poster that said “Who said worrying doesn’t help? Nothing I worry about ever happens.” She was a strong believer that things work out as they should so why waste time and energy worrying about what might go wrong.
  • She always had such a strong faith in God and she learned that from her parents.  I remember when my gramma was dying.  She died on New Years’ Day.  She was very ill but didn’t want to die before Christmas because she didn’t want to ruin the day for anyone.  However, every time she woke up between Boxing Day and New Years’ Day, she would ask God why she was still here and let Him know that she was ready to go.  I had such admiration for her faith and knew that’s where mom got it from!
  • Both of my parents always told us that we could do anything we set our minds to, if we put in the work to get there; again, they modeled this one daily.  In university, I used to have a meltdown near the end of each term when papers were due and exams were coming up and I had procrastinated so I was feeling overwhelmed.  My mom would let me rant then she would take my hand and very calmly say, “Have you ever not got it done before?”  Sometimes she had to repeat this more than once as I tried to say this time was different, but eventually her calm faith in me would allow me to get back to work and “get it done”.

Love and Support

She loved reading to her “grands”

Every time we had a baby, my mom would take a week’s holidays and come and stay with us (2 weeks with Bridget because she was retired by then).  They were such awesome weeks.  She would take care of everything from cooking and laundry to entertaining the older kids, while allowing me to focus all my attention on the new little life I had just brought into the world.  All the while, she would make comments about what a good job I was doing; there really is no greater gift for a new mom!  I used to tell her I may keep going and have 20 kids because that week with her meant so much!

In the short time she was fighting for life, I got to lean very close to her and say, “We love you, we’ll take care of each other, we’ll take care of dad, please give Lisa a hug for me.”  It was a gift to be there, as it was a gift to have her for my mom.  

Thanks for the push once more, mom, it’s good to know that some things never change! Happy Birthday! xo