It was a November day about 12 years ago when 3 girlfriends and I planned to meet at Crabby Joe’s for a drink on a Friday after work.  We were good friends who had met through our kids, at school or the hockey arena. We got together socially with our families quite regularly, but this was the first time the four of us had arranged a “crabby date” with just us.

As we laughed and caught up, we talked about how shocked our children were that we were getting together like this.  They could not understand why we would want to meet without them.  Then and there we decided that we were doing our children a disservice by not modeling the importance of having girlfriends, so we made a plan to meet monthly.   It was a tough job, but we were willing to make the sacrifice! 

Crabby Joe’s is no longer there so now we have tried a couple of other restaurants, and with quarantine, we have had a few Houseparty online crabby dates.  We are also now joined by our adult daughters when they are around.  Crabby dates have become a tradition that is being passed down; I am so happy they evolved from being something that shocked our children, to something they would like to participate in.

Different Stages of Friendship

When I look back at the different friends I have had over the years, the relationships have evolved to fit our changing lives.  We would sometimes go from seeing each other daily or weekly, to going months or years between visits.  And I know it’s a cliché, but there really are those friends who you see after years without contact and pick up right where you left off.  Those relationships are so special!

I have been blessed with friends from each stage of life – childhood friends with whom I played Barbies and compared Donny Osmond posters; high school friends who helped me through the teenage angst years; university friends who shared late night study/David Letterman sessions and celebrated with me when exams were finally finished and that last paper was submitted.  

Then there were the “mom” years when, if you were lucky you really liked your kids’ friends’ parents; I remember telling Max that I was much happier on alternate years when he played hockey with kids whose parents I had a lot of fun with!

Sharing the Journey

Through it all the one constant is the importance of having girlfriends to share the journey.  When Gilles and I graduated from university, we spent 5 years in Timmins.  I’m not sure why, but I had a very hard time making girlfriends there.  We had friends, but they were all friends of Gilles’ or friends of ours; I really didn’t have a girlfriend.  I remember feeling sad that if something big happened in my life, I would have to make a long-distance call to share the news with a girlfriend.  We had a lot of fun there, but I definitely missed having a close girlfriend.

A pic of our kids because I couldn’t find one of us!

When we moved to Bracebridge, I remember how thrilling it was to make my first girlfriend in years.  It was so incredible to share the parenting journey with someone who was also eager to learn and was always up for an adventure!

Cherish Your Girlfriends

Sadly, I have also had the experience of losing a couple of girlfriends. Most recently, it was a very close friend from university who lost her battle with breast cancer.  In November 2018, 4 of us who had been friends in university, got together at a spa for an overnight visit to celebrate her birthday; then unfortunately, Shelly passed away that Christmas Eve.

St. Anne's Spa
Celebrating Shelly’s Birthday

The moral of that story is to cherish your girlfriends.  Squeeze out time for them when you can; I am definitely guilty of not always prioritizing girlfriends, but I have come to view our shared time as one of the most precious forms of self-care.  Connection with a girlfriend is good for your mental health!

P.S.  In preparing for this blog, I was looking for pictures with my girlfriends and could not find very many, so I have added that to the list of goals for 2021, when we can all get together again!