One of the best things about being a parent is that you will usually get a second…and third and…fourth, etc. chance to “get it right” with your kids. You will “mess up” again (and again) and have another chance to do things better the next time.
Making a sincere apology is a great way to model the behaviour you want from them when they make a mistake; it also empowers them to make mistakes. And don’t worry, if you’re anything like me, you will mess up a lot and have lots of opportunities to behave differently the next time.
I remember one day when a friend was helping me paint our house. It was the end of a really long day…and I just wanted to be finished…and I was frustrated by how long it was taking…and I was climbing down a ladder… when I stepped into some paint. I looked over and 9-year-old Max was sitting at the kitchen table about to laugh when I gave him a look that told him to keep quiet and not do that…so he did not.
That night as I was lying in bed and beating myself up (I was – and continue to be – a work in progress in many ways!), I vowed that I would model for my children being able to laugh at myself the next time I was given the opportunity.
A Second Chance
Well, that opportunity came quickly. A couple of days later we were going on a family outing, so we were multitasking on our way out of town. (Hence the tie-dye shirts in the picture; I used to make them wear matching shirts when we went on family outings!)
We parked at a plaza and Gilles went to the bank while I took all the kids into the bagel store. Once the order was placed and paid for, Lisa, Max and Phil were going to wait in the bagel store then join Gilles in the van right outside while I took Bridget next door to Shoppers Drug Mart because she was having a shoe emergency (this is not surprising if you knew 3-year-old Bridget).
I was trying to get Bridget to come with me and the frustration level was rising. I (still) have a habit of clenching my teeth when I talk in these situations. She was holding her chocolate milk and the straws, so I said these infamous words, “leave the straws and the milk, and let’s go”.
Bridget and I went to Shoppers and when we got back to the van, Max was doing a perfect imitation of me and I burst out laughing. I was proud of myself for taking that second chance to teach my kids the importance of laughing at yourself.
This actually became a family catch phrase that has served them all well from then through to adulthood. We all learned that once they made me laugh, my anger was diffused and we could move on to address the situation at hand more calmly. To this day, whenever I look like I’m getting frustrated, they will all clench their teeth and say, “leave the straws and the milk, and let’s go”. It never fails to make me laugh. It has turned out to be a good life lesson for all of us!
This is a picture of me trying to imitate the pose from the blog’s logo. Bridget, who is a dancer, was my photographer and we could not stop laughing at my ineptitude. I had so much trouble doing something that would have been so easy for her and the two of us had lots of fun! She kept saying, “What are you doing with your hands?”; something she learned as an 8-year old! Being able to laugh at yourself makes life way more fun!
So the moral of the story is to laugh at yourself and when you can’t, be kind to yourself, get curious about your behaviour, believe in second chances, and never underestimate the power of clenched teeth!
