Being a Mom

So this is my first blog post! I have adopted John Michael Montgomery’s song, Life’s a Dance, as the theme for this blog, because it has really been the theme to my life.  I am planning to write about life and parenting; all the lessons I’ve learned and all the joy, laughter, tears and mistakes I’ve made along the way. I thought I would start with the most revolutionary role I’ve held; the one that changed everything for me…being a mom!

I remember when I was in my teens and early twenties – back when I knew everything – my life’s plan was to be a human resources executive in a large corporation.  I was going to be married with 2 children, a dog and a full-time nanny.  I was definitely NEVER going to be a stay-at-home mom!

That all changed the day my first child was born.  I will never forget the moment that my husband put our daughter in my arms for the first time.  After 22 hours of labour, then a general anaesthetic, then a caesarean section, I was feeling a little dopey.  But the emotion when that little body was put in my arms was more intense than anything I had ever experienced before.  I very clearly remember thinking that I had loved my parents and siblings, then my husband, but that what I was feeling at that moment was so much more.  Suddenly I was speechless and holding back tears.

The love was accompanied by a sense of responsibility.  Somewhere from the core of myself came the knowledge that who she became was, in large part, up to me.  My actions would play a key role in determining her future.  It was all a little overwhelming.

In Over My Head

So, I had the love part, but I was in way over my head!  I just assumed that I had it all figured out.  I was a 27-year-old university graduate who had succeeded at every job I had ever held.  Parenting would just come naturally…I mean, anyone can do it, right?  There’s no training required…you just KNOW what to do, right?  And you definitely don’t need any help, even from your husband, right?

Parenting is a dance I definitely learned on the way (and I’m still learning).  Fast forward about 18 months and we had just relocated to a new community and were sharing a very small cottage with a very strong-willed toddler.  When she would arrive places saying “my do dat!” and dressed in her own unique combination of clothing, people I loved and respected would say things to me like “just wait until she’s a teenager” and “you better nip this behaviour in the bud now”.  It was so confusing because, while I wanted to raise an adult who could stand up for herself, did I really want to spend time with a child who did the same?  And how was I going to survive with a teen who wouldn’t listen to me?

Lisa was in a nursery school program and one morning they brought in a guest speaker to facilitate a showing and discussion of the Barbara Coloroso video, Kids are Worth It.  I honestly felt the skies open up to reveal a blinding light when Barbara said “if it’s not life threatening, morally threatening or unhealthy, let it go”! It was definitely an “aha moment”!  I didn’t care what she wore so why was I fighting with her?  This became a regular mantra for me; one I still use to this day in all aspects of my life, but especially when raising little humans!  I think every parenting expert I have followed has some version of this as a basic tenet and there’s a really good reason for that.  I found that if I could say “yes” as often as possible, it was much better for our relationship and it made it easier for them to accept it when I had to say “no”. 

I will talk more about the “parenting dance” and other steps I learned along the way, but this first one has served me well for almost 30 years!